I live with parents. Never met anyone. Relations in the family are stretched – mom is trying to lead everyone and everyone, dad does not give a damn. Now I’m afraid to get married, have children. It seems to me that there is no love in marriage, that this is all a lie and a fairy tale. From the mere thought that I will have to live with a stranger man. It is equivalent to having children for me to lose myself, although earlier, in childhood, I wanted two or three. Now it seems to me that if I live somewhere in the apartment, it will be easier for me. Then I can realize myself, I will not be lost in family everyday life, I will continue self -development. How to help me and get rid of

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fear?

Anastasia, 19 years old

Anastasia, and you are not by chance that you can’t cope with your mother’s role in your family? Does it not seem to you that, like her, you will have to lead the household, only you can’t cope with this role? Do you need this role and who said that you will have such a role?

You know, this already beaten maxim that the child copies the family script is not as banal as it is exhibited. The bottom line is that the family scenario is much wider than the relationship between the mother and the father: the child can unconsciously copy only some part, or maybe completely ignore the behavior model unpleasant, and this is the influence of the scenario.

You are trembling from the thought that you will need to live with a stranger man. From such an idea, anyone will be trembling, to be honest. But to live with your husband, whom you choose of your own free will, is another matter, is it not so? Or you are forced to go out for some unfamiliar stranger man? Then this is a question for the police or the prosecutor’s office.

Maybe the essence is not in thoughts about marriage and motherhood, but in the need for separation from parents? At your age, the issue of personal life is not critical. Let me notice that it is not critical in principle, regardless of age. But the desire to become an independent person and get rid of the pressure of your parents is more than normal at your age.

Remember that it is better to live here and now than to look into a foggy future anxiously. Before solving the problems that have not yet come, clarify your situation in the present. When you feel self -confidence, the fear of the future will leave.